To a Young Friend

Hello X:

I didn't get to hear about your problem with the teacher yesterday before you left. I got the story from (your brother). I don't have to deal with these kinds of problems where I teach. College students are more mature and so don't get into namecalling and such ... at least around me. Maybe they do in the dormitories or where they gather outside of the classroom but I don't see that. I had a few scrapes in middle school, myself, but none in high school because the kids I hung out with didn't get into that kind of thing. At least not often.

I won't pretend to know much about getting along in high school -- times have changed since I was there -- but it seems to me that when a person (classmate, teacher, neighbor or family member) can push your buttons and get you to respond with namecalling or fighting that person has control over you. It's almost like training a dog. You say one thing and the dog sits; you say another thing and the dog fetches. We might think of answering an insult with an insult as standing up for ourselves, but there are a lot of ways to do that, ways that won't result in you getting into trouble.

You CANNOT get suspended for telling somebody who tries to push your buttons -- "You're not worth my time" or "I've got better things to do than listen to this" and then walking away. You might get grief from people who enjoy watching others fight but you will NOT get suspended and you will have shown the other person they can't play you. And in the end that's most important, I think. That is, if YOU want to stay out of trouble.

Do well and be well, X. Stay positive and make good choices.