Positive parenting

This is from an article by Shelly Lefkoe that was written for parents but could be informative and encouraging for young people in unhappy homes. (http://www.giftediam.com/the-10-things-parents-do-that-sabotage-their-childrens-happiness-and-success)


COMMON PARENTING ERROR #5


Being your child’s boss.

Let me explain what I mean by this.  The old school of parenting comes from the assumption that you’re the boss and that children should “Do as you’re told because I’m the parent.”

After working with literally thousands of clients one of the most common crippling beliefs I’ve found comes from this parental assumption. What belief do you think it is? Close your eyes and remember when you were a kid and were told to do things “because I said so,” or “do it or else,” or “don’t you dare talk back to me.” How did you feel? … What did you conclude? …  If you were a typical child you concluded, I’m powerless.

Children with this belief either become compliant or worse, rebellious (trying to get some power). Would you want either kind of child when they are offered drugs at school? Sex? The chance to cut school? I think not.

Eating disorders often result from these beliefs because the only thing you feel like you have power over is what goes into your body.  People who get into abusive relationships frequently have this belief.

POSITIVE PARENTING ALTERNATIVE

Give your children choices or use humor. Morty used to tell Britt it was time to brush her teeth before bed.  Then he would quickly say, “Do you want to march into the bathroom or should we sing into the bathroom?”  And she would often say laughing, “Let’s roll into the bathroom.”  And Morty would get down on the carpet and roll into the bathroom with her.

Let them do things their way when there is no danger.  My husband Morty has a wonderful parenting philosophy (“wonderful” because it is likely to result in positive beliefs, no just because I like it). If the kids weren’t hurting themselves, another, or some thing (property) they could do what they wanted. He said to them, “Being your dad doesn’t make me your boss.  Mom and I are here to guide you and keep you safe until you can do that on your own.”

As a result, our kids are incredibly independent and are not afraid to try new things, they travel anyplace in the world on their own, and they have taken responsibility for their own lives. And they’ve been like that since high school.

By the way, this does not mean we didn’t make a lot of parenting mistakes. We did and we learned from them. In fact, much of what I’m telling you here we learned the hard way.